You need to join Linkd in!!….
said Mr HR with a smile.
His lifeless, bored expression-
made me think of Oscar Wilde…***
And, oozing insincerety-
he stuck his arm out – shook my hand.
We both knew he was lying…with his
“I’ll touch base when I can”.
Terry Thomas, 1958.
So under pressure from the missus-
I logged on and commenced to type
With a nasty nagging feeling that
I was joining a world of Hype..
I had to record just what I’d done
where I’d been, and where I could go
For some modern day evangelist
to establish just who I know!
It crossed my mind to add some people
Just make requests from out of the blue
A bagman, would make me interesting…or hell!
Even a prostitute or two!
But I think they wanted progressive types
Those that look good in a suit
Some one to foster an image that
Would make me the perfect recruit
So I called my friend John Metherell, as
Waikato men know the score…
‘wouldn’t touch it with a barge pole mate
tho Ive told you that before.”
And with his left foot firmly forward
And a slight pontifical grin
Suggested that to even follow that path
Would lead to occasions of sin.
Well, …I started in this life
feeding cows and tending sheep
and here I am in a post truth world
with time beginning to creep.
My lovely wife will not be happy
But I’m afraid Ive got bad news…
Someone’s gonna have to tell her
Ive got the Linkd in ……washed out….fed up
…*** (always be sincere even when you don’t mean it)
this resulted after taking our grand daughter to the miniature train playground at Halswell… everything was great… until the train started moving. She then proceeded to scream for the entire trip!!!
Some exaggeration has been included… the heroics of Grandy Boy only occurred in his mind…
At first I thought it was really neat..-
I had my own compartment and a first class seat
So.. I sat right up front- where the driver sits
Just me and my Dad- he was thrilled to bits.
Mum was there too- with Nan and Boy
Along with.. I think.. my favourite toy
We’d no sooner sat down- enjoying the fun
When all hell let loose and things came undone.
We’d started off slowly.. but came a hiss and a roar
And I heard someone screaming and banging a door
Soon people were shouting and beginning to plead
But we were racing down hill at a ridiculous speed
We flew around corners, down hills and through mud
The smoke was atrocious ( and don’t mention the blood)
I hung on for dear life and grabbed at Dad’s neck
But I could tell by his eyes he was a gibbering wreck
I looked back at Mum- but that was no use
She was holding up Nan- who was screaming abuse
And just when I thought I couldn’t take anymore
GRANDY BOY stood up.. and he raced to the door
He shut down the engine- and he pulled at the brake
And he kicked at the driver- who was FINALLY awake
We shuddered about until we screamed to a halt
And Dad glared at the Driver- as it was clearly his fault…
But before he could start… with a move brave and bold
Grandy Boy grabbed at the Driver… and he knocked him out cold!!!
It was all a bit risky..,. and too much of a strain….
Oh I don’t care what you think…. you can stick your old train!!!
My wife is starting to panic
And..just maybe… losing the plot
“I knew you’d both forget” she said
“Youre a lazy blimmin’ lot..
Pick up those books-And hide those shoes
Before I turn real mean..
This place needs a tidy up
I’ve got someone coming to clean”!!!
“I need a line to hang the shirts
So fix something to the wall..
After you’ve done that job
Just vacuum done the hall
This place looks like a pig sty.. and..oh.
Just look at the mess near the sink!
We’ve got to clean this house up now…
what will the cleaner think!